SAWDUST-AND-YUKS 

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How to Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothing and place in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror.  Make mental note to do more sit-ups.

Get in the shower.  Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair with cucumber and sage shampoo containing 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces of shower.

Spray for mold with Tilex.

Get out of shower.  Take towel off of heated towel bar.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.  If you see husband 
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

 

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How to Shower Like a Man

Take off chothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you pass wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.  Admire the size of your wiener,
remove and examine your naval lint, and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.  Wash your face.  Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend a majority of time washing privates and private areas.

Wash your butt and leave coarse butt hairs on the soap.

Wash your hair.  Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of the shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on the floor because the curtain was on the outside.

Admire wiener in mirror.

Leave shower curtain open, mat on the floor and light & fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.  If you pass wife along the way, 
shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Woo Woo !!!

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