SAWDUST-AND-YUKS 

                                                              Jokes Page 8

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                                                                                Did you hear the one about.....

 

In Sickness and in Health, til...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, 
"Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't 
follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch 
make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only 
make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain 
his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

She replied, "He said you're going to die."

 

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The Barber

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the 
barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, 
dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their 
flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly 
and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. 
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about 
his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand 
new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine 
were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and 
foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now 
it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us 
the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on 
the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and 
if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. 
Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt 
down and he spoke to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"

 

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