SAWDUST-AND-YUKS 

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                                                                                Did you hear the one about.....

 

SHOPPING AT WAL-MART

 Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Buster, our
 Hunting dog, at Wal-Mart, and was standing in line about to check out.
 A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought
 was "what a stupid question," but decided to go with it.
 On impulse, I told her I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting
 the Purina weight loss Diet again.

 I told her I probably shouldn't try the diet again because I'd ended up
 in the hospital last time - in intensive care with tubes coming out
 of most every orifice and IVs in both arms. But the good news
 was that I lost 50 pounds and it was an easy diet to
 follow. I explained that you just load your pockets
 with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
 feel hungry.

 I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
 now enthralled with my story

 Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive
 care because the dog food poisoned me.

 I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass
 and a car hit us both.

 I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
 laughing so hard.

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Mexican Oysters

 

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico ..
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor, Sometimes the bull wins.

 

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